Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
