a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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