he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
