so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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