clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
