distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
