Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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