i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
