please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
