Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
