i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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