My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Someone came in the potted fern
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
