I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You are the jesus of drinking
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
