i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
