so that wasnt chicken after all
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
God, I missed his penis.
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