party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
