She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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