cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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