O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
