Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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