I could make wine with my vomit
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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