the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
