Barsexuality is the new black.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
