he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
