they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
