i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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