This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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