At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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