U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
