Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
