I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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