Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
