i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
