theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
