Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
