Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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