I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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