ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
