She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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