Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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