Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize