I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
