Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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