Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
