Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
