she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize