who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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