Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
