I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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