youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
