So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
