i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
