I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
