His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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