my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
