Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
