..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
