New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
