Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize