when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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