I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
