Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
