U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
