he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
