I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
