im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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