alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
