Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
