i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
