He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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