yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
