so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
